Sunday, June 14, 2009

Get wiser, be a miser

The other day, an outing at a remote place taught me some precious life lessons about human psychology. It's surprising how some people never seem to mend their ways, worse, they take pride in showing their true colors at the first given opportunity.

You extend help to them at odd hours, go out of the way to accommodate them, put their interest before yours ...only to learn an indisputable fact of life: that stinginess can be an acute mental disorder for some folks.

In fact, it's a life mission for them...one that inspires these great souls to save money at any cost, and extract maximum mileage out of the monies "forcefully" spent.

Thanks to them, I learnt some innovative ways to "ensure" the last laugh when it comes to shelling out money.

Sharing a few gems in public interest:

...Like drink alcohol straight from the bottle if you need to fully recover your "share" of the cost. This way, you drink exactly for what you have paid for. And if you have a tendency to go bonkers on a couple of drinks, you can rest assured that the other guys don't guzzle at your expense.

...Like never take your own car out on dusty, bumpy roads. Try and travel in working class cars owned by lesser mortals. Not only do you save on fuel, wear and tear, you can ridicule people of "lowly" status - who travel in Maruti 800s, who don't own lavish homes, who belong to the deprived class.

...Like driving is not about mind power, it's about power steering and windows. It's not about safe driving, it's about exclusive rights on the road, in line with the car's price. The more expensive the make, more exclusive the rights. It's not about the car's intrinsic value, it's about the car's market value.

...Like you should check and double check the "calculations" before you shell out your peanuts.

...Like you should shell out your share with a heavy heart, as if you have gone bankrupt.

...Like you should always carry your plastic money to remote areas such that you can wear your plastic smile in declaring your willful insolvency.

...Like you should host the cheapest possible dinners and satisfy all your value-added cravings when you are a guest.

...Like you should always assume that the guys you are trying to squeeze are dumb and you can outsmart them with your innovative money-saving strategies.

If you follow the tips and tricks painstakingly cited above, you will be very happy in life...at what cost is anybody's guess, and besides the point.

Happy saving! Happy craving!

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