Friday, November 20, 2009

Natural remedies for synthetic disorders

Raju Parulekar - whoever he is - deserves sympathy and a lot of rest. Maybe, he can take a few days off, head for a dense forest of his choice and come back wiser.

Well, before you suffer his inventive and insightful gems in the piece

only to dismiss the genius naturally, let me introduce him.

Mr. Parulekar loves nature. For him, a farmer toiling in the field is a better sight than Sachin in action on the field. As mentioned earlier, he loves only natural things - organic at that. He finds the game of cricket "synthetic". Cricket and Sachin find no place in his book of history as both are about temporary milestones - not about such enduring, life-saving feats attributed to doctors, scientists, farmers, social activists and historians.

He's read Edward Gibbon's "Decline and fall of the Roman Empire" . (Thundering applause please!) He has studied the movie "Gladiator" in great depth to be able to put sport in perspective - as a royal pastime that was later thrown open to the public at large to pale the larger issues of life into significance. Sachin, for our dear Parulekar, is a Gladiator at the disposal of hungry politicians - designed to dissuade the public from the larger issues. A virtual reality, an opium! Move over, Mr. Karl Marx, cricket, Sachin in particular, is the new opium, not religion as you had once proclaimed.

Coming back to our friend, his confusion over his own views is confusing. On one hand,cricket is alien to him; on the other, he's keen to advertise his authority on Indian cricket - he certifies Sachin as a great player (mind you, not an acknowledgement but a certification) before pointing out how Sachin proved a miserable captain and how Ganguly is a better Gladiator than Sachin..Why?...Since the Bengal Tiger treats the regional press and language with great respect. Sachin, on the other hand, loves his international status at the cost of shunning his roots. What an analysis....Ask a kid in your neighbourhood and he would know better, Mr. Parulekar!

While you declare Sachin's 20-year landmark as insignificant, you remind us of a momentous milestone due next year - 20 YEARS OF YOUR OWN CAREER. You also lament at the fact that this achievement-in-the-making is unsung and unhonoured

Mr. Parulekar, it's good to note that you're not a cricket enthusiast, no harm done. We agree that the game is no longer played with noble intentions, we agree that the Sharad Pawars, Rajeev Shulkas and the Nirnajan Shahs of the world are some of the disgusting parasites prospering on the game's prospects and we also agree that Sachin mints millions on his milestones - but how does all of this reflect on his stature as an outstanding cricketer and a true gentleman. And the fact that he donates a larger share to unsung charity is only besides the point, he doesn't owe an explaination - at least not to you...

Dear Parulekar, achievements in sports and entertainment cannot be compared to the advancements in science and medicine. These are two factes that ensure the much needed work-life balance for us. Talking of entertainment, you're an entertainer in your own right..we mean it! Your comic article was real funny- it managed to keep us in spilts....

You suffer from a peculiar disorder Sir! - An ailment that paralyzes common sense and numbs the intellect with recurring attacks of self-love. Thankfully, there's no dearth of natural herbs in the forests of India - get treated quickly and naturally. And as a health supplement, watch vintage Sachin in action. Recovery would be that much faster. Slowly and surely, all your synthetic waste will fall off and you'll naturally find better ways to earn fame.

Who knows, you may even get the inspiration to become a better journalist - and if you achieve this feat, it would indeed be yeoman service to the nation since we don't have many at the moment.